


The Motherfuckin’ Miracle of Childbirth

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bodily Fluids, Childbirth, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Graphic Description, Human/Troll Relationship (Homestuck), Omorashi, Other, Pregnancy Kink, Sopor Slime, The Author Regrets Everything, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unplanned Pregnancy, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27176540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Basically it’s “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” but with Homestuck. And porn.
Relationships: Gamzee Makara/Reader
Kudos: 27





	The Motherfuckin’ Miracle of Childbirth

You woke up with an awful stomachache. 

You glanced over to your matesprit, Gamzee, who was still sleeping on the sofa bed. He scratched his curly hair with a clawed hand, snoring. 

You wondered whether you should wake him, but first you needed to go to the bathroom. Badly.

You squatted over the toilet, and right away you knew that this wasn’t an ordinary stomachache. Mostly because there was a slick, semi-transparent, purple-colored liquid running down your legs. 

You started to panic, trying to figure out when your last period was. To be honest, you hadn’t really been keeping track since you had been having so much fun getting down with your clown in the flushed quadrant. 

Neither of you had even considered using protection, since you figured that due to the fact that you were different species - namely you being a human and him being a troll - the idea that you two could produce viable offspring seemed a little far-fetched. 

And yet, all of the circumstantial evidence was currently pointing towards that very conclusion.

“Gamzee…? Babe, you need to wake up!” 

You called to him, a slight edge of panic in your wavering tone.

Tears started welling up in the corners of your eyes, because whatever was going on in between your legs was starting to burn and sting as more of the purple fluid continued to trickle down your thighs. 

“Gamzee, babe, please get up… Something’s wrong…” 

By now you were so scared and in pain that you were full-on crying. And probably not crying pretty like the people in the movies, either. Situations like these tended to cause ugly crying. 

Much to your relief, your matesprit hurried into the doorway of the bathroom. Gamzee looked a bit startled as his sopor slime-addled brain tried to process exactly what kind of scene he’d just walked into. Then he visibly relaxed and broke into a toothy grin.

“Woah, seems to me like a motherfucker is ready to become a real, actual mother…” 

Gamzee walked towards you, pulling your legs free from your pants and underwear before scooping you up into his arms. He carried you bridal-style back to the sofa bed and laid you onto your back as gently as he could.

“Gamzee, w-what do I do?” You sniffled. 

“Shh… just relax and let your body do its thing. It’s the motherfucking miracle of childbirth, your instincts know best.”

You whined as the painful contractions intensified, along with an intense urge to push.

“Gamzee… I need to push… Could you please help me hold my legs back?”

“Sure thing, babe. I’d be happy to help.” 

Gamzee rested his chin on your right shoulder, his lanky arms hooking behind your knees to spread you open as you bore down. 

Then you were panting, waiting for the next contraction to hit so you could push again. 

This went on for what felt like hours, but was probably only about 45 minutes or so in reality. You groaned as your latest contraction subsided, frustrated by your lack of progress. The grub in between your thighs felt like it had barely budged, in spite of your best efforts. 

“Gamzee, babe… I think it’s stuck… what do we do…?”

“Don’t you worry now, I’m sure it’s nothing a little slime can’t fix…”

Gamzee squeezed you in a comforting hug and kissed your forehead before shuffling off to the kitchen, presumably in search of sopor slime. 

Inwardly, you balked at the idea of using psychoactive substances during labor. Sopor slime could be some pretty potent stuff and quite frankly you weren’t sure if your puny human mind and body could handle tripping balls on alien hallucinogens and giving birth to troll offspring at the same time. 

Gamzee returned with one of his sopor slime pies, dipping his fingers in it in order to coat them. He knelt down beside you. You shivered when his gel-coated fingers slid over your folds and into your entrance. 

Almost immediately, the stinging, burning pain was replaced by a pleasant, aching desire. Pushing didn’t just become easier - it also felt good. Really good.

You moaned and you bucked your hips, enjoying the feeling of the grub stretching you open to a deliciously wide degree. You didn’t tear, thankfully, because the skin of your entrance had become softer and more pliable due to your arousal from the slime. 

Some of your clear fluids were starting to get mixed in with the purple birthing fluids. As a matter of fact, you’re pretty sure you might have accidentally pissed yourself from pushing so hard. It was either that, or you had just discovered that you had the hidden ability to squirt like a damn firehose. You didn’t really care either way, because you were teetering on the edge of a serious monster of an orgasm. Apparently so was Gamzee, as you could see him stroking his bulge from the corner of your eyes. 

Hooking your hands beneath your knees, you threw your head backwards and moaned loudly, giving one last hard push as you rocked your hips through the wave of an intense orgasm. The stubborn grub finally slipped free, followed by a torrent of fluids that drenched the mattress. 

You were panting, trying to catch your breath and coming down from your dizzying high as you scooped up the little wriggler from between your thighs. Cradling it as you would a human infant, you guided it to your breast, where it latched on and began to suckle, quickly bringing your milk down and drinking it up. 

You heard Gamzee moaning and panting too, chasing his own high. And a few moments later he was kneeling right beside you, mesmerized by the sight of his grub feeding from you. 

“Damn, baby mama… you really got me feeling some kind of way… I can’t wait to get you pregnant all over again, know what I’m saying?” 

You both smiled at one another, and he pulled you in for a kiss.


End file.
